Loneliness

How does it feel to hold hands ?
How does it feel to cuddle up ?
How does it feel to hug someone and smile looking into their eyes realizing how precious the other one is ?

These are the questions that i’m really desperately trying to find the answer to. Desperation is not a really good thing but when luck is not on your side and your surroundings are filled with people that found each other then you find yourself in a state of loneliness and desperation.

These days I’ve become a person who is really not interested in hanging out with friends anymore. I try to run away whenever the topic of relationship comes up. “Relationship”, the word itself fills my eyes with tears because that is something I never had in my existence of 25 years and god knows how much I have been longing for it. I am waiting, waiting to be found, to be appreciated. I am waiting to be happy once again.

I was never this desperate, never had this longing to be with someone. I used to be a kid with some goals in mind and I used to think that if I work towards them then rest of the things will fall in my place. I WAS WRONG.

I did achieve most of the things I wanted, I even left my hometown with a smile on my face thinking that I will build a life for myself but now as I look back I just think that there is just no point of all of this when I don’t even have a person with whom I can share my happiness, my sadness, my achievements, basically everything.

It really hurts when I see my friends with their partners. Part of me just wants to go away and cry and sometimes I really do. I just think that why am I not in their place. Why am I alone and why can’t I just simply be someone. I often go out alone to eat out, to watch a movie while my friends go out on dates. I hate the fact that everyone is going out with their partners while I have to go out alone. What other choice do I have. Why is life unfair to me and why just why luck doesn’t seem to favour me. God why did you forget about me ?