“You just focus on your mission, rest of the things will fall in place” this was what an 18 year old college student which was me used to believe. I believed in it religiously. I gave all my priorities all my time to studying. Everyone else was fooling around. Even in college I was planning for the future everyday I used to tell myself “You’re gonna be better than all of them”. I was honest with my work. I didn’t fool around in college because I was so determined in getting a job. I did like a person from school and deep down I really wanted to end up with that person and lived in that hope throughout the college and beyond. As fate would have it, I did end up in her city and she agreed to meet me out of politeness. I was able to figure out that I had no chance by the way she conversed with me and I just gave up.
In college I used to believe that my professional life will be more fun than my college life ever could be. It is because I was hoping that after college I would give time to other things which I didn’t pursue in college like relationship.
In college I used to see couples all over the campus and deep down it did hurt me. I kept on wondering what It would be like to have someone like that but I used to snap out of it and tell myself “You just focus on your mission, rest of the things will fall in place”. I was wrong.

I did achieve what I wanted but not a day goes by that I not feel empty. I am so lonely that I just melt whenever a person shows slightest interest in me. I cry myself to sleep thinking what a complete loser I have been. All my friends even the ones I used to think were beneath me are having fun, living the life that I used to dream of in college, everyone has found someone except me. I am 25 years old now and I have been miserable for the past one year. Watching couples in real life or online breaks my heart. On my 25th birthday I had a dream that I was with someone, in love and happy. I woke up to my miserable reality and cried all day. Everyday I imagine what it would be like to be with someone, to talk to someone who really wants to be with you. Everyday I long for someone. I pray desperately hoping that maybe my prayers will be answered. Nothing ever happens. I never got a chance to love someone, to express myself. I don’t deserve this loneliness god. Why me ?

I learned cooking during quarantine out of necessity, now I do it as a hobby